Moments of Medical Insanity and Moments of Light and Love

In the midst of medical insanity we discover moments of love and joy from our Lord. I read from Radical Remission this morning about a man who was sent home to die. He had no more cancer treatment options. He woke to an early sunrise with birds awake and chirping. He began wondering about the birds and when and why they woke in the morning. His interest was piqued and he began to observe and notice what time they awoke and then wondered what make them wake up at the same time everyday. His story of complete recovery began with an interest in birds and trees -not with cancer.

This morning we woke up and saw these lights from our room. We took an early morning stroll through the gardens and sat underneath these trees. We talked about the appointments we had yesterday and the ones ahead. 

Yesterday our first appointment was with a financial counselor. The first form she asked about and gave us was a living will and where to get it notarized. 

Then we spent the next half hours signing  page after page of releases and such. Then we were escorted to an exam room and many people from different departments came to us over the next 3.5 hours. It was easier than going from place to place but we were pretty worn out by the end. A medical technician did my vitals; a patient advocate met us briefly and told us what she does; a representative from 'Cancer Fighters' met with us (support but not a support group); a medical doctor met with us and reviewed the previous pathology report/surgery notes with us and did an examination of the incisions (#17) and was the first person (including my breast surgeon) to examine both breasts; a nurse who called me for the medical intake came in to meet me and chat; and lastly a blood draw. 

I've spoken with several people from CTCA on the phone prior to our arrival and I expressed how I'm interested in other options -no chemo- such as Immunotherapy. However, the medical doctor only talked about chemotherapy. His wife is the medical oncologist who will meet with us tomorrow to give us the treatment plan. He set up the following appointments for today: vitals, consult with surgeon (for a port to be put in for chemo); an IV put in for two scans (which I requested) CT and bone scans; consult with nutrition for 30 min to address how to eat right for chemo; and a consult with naturopathic doctor to help with reactions from chemo.

The doctor spent over an hour answering questions we had. However, he admits that usually they don't look for metastatic cancer unless there's physical symptoms. So usually with cancer spreading to lymph nodes they wouldn't do any scans -just treat with chemo to kill the cancer cells in the blood stream. Also there's no way to do a blood test to find cancer cells unless the cancer is metastatic already. So they won't look in the blood for cancer cells. All the blood work that was done yesterday was to find out my liver function and blood clot ability to prepare for chemo. 

The staff are friendly and warm. For the most part, I have no idea what to talk about other than the medical questions. It's secular. I know many faithful and godly people have had the full spectrum of cancer treatment so I don't want to minimize it. However, the medical field is a business and cancer is big business. My question to God right now has been, what do you want me to do? I'd go through all of it if he says to. My great-grandmother believed in medicine and felt that doctors knew what was best on all accounts. She'd avoid wearing make up to appointments so that "the doctor can see what my color is today." When I'd accompany her to appointments they never looked at her face to see if she looked healthy. However, she never had a major medical condition until she was in her 90s so maybe she was on to something.

I tried to make an appointment with the Research Department but was told I needed a doctor's order. So we asked the doctor about Immunotherapy or clinical trials and the doctor said those options are usually a last option after all other options have been tried -chemo and radiation. He said that Triple Negative is very sensitive to chemo so it will be very effective. However this is based on statistics and studies -not any before/after tests or scans with me personally. Additionally, when the cancer returns it often has mutated to a chemoresistant strain and can become a different type of cancer and show up elsewhere in the body. He said many people live for years going through cancer treatment as palliative care - so basically living with cancer and getting chemo, radiation and surgery as needed to live longer. The woman I first met here who was kind and hugged me has been through this for six years. She's getting chemotherapy while she's here due to a recurrence of cancer (different kind than she was first diagnosed with.) The motto of Cancer Fighters is something like, "Fighting cancer will be the most important thing you do in your life." (or something close to this...really? the most important thing you do in your life? What about Jesus? Why do they always leave you out Lord?)

We have many appointments for tomorrow which I'll share later. But I'll leave you with this...

Our last appointment on Thursday morning is to meet with a pastor.