Wash & Dry for my soul

My energy is returning and I have been doing more around the house.

The other day, I asked my husband to build a shelf behind the washer and dryer. He worked on it Saturday. He pulled the washer and dryer out of the laundry room and cleaned the floor and put up the shelf. He had to make two trips to Home Depot -for incidental items. The smallest of projects seems to take more time than you'd think.

Meanwhile I sat in the backyard at a table and did a craft project. I found letters at Walmart that spell out -Wash Dry- and decoupaged them with fabric that I inherited from my mother last year after she passed away. It was incredibly relaxing to work on a project for the house. In the moment, I thought of what colors would my mom have picked and missed her. She was extremely talented with quilting and knitting. She had an eye for color -I did not get that from her. She had many of her fabrics already divided by color which helped. The best part is that I didn't think of treatment or cancer or appointments or missing work. I thought only of the glue, fabric, letter and the sun on my face. It was as healing as my goal to laugh for an hour per day. But soothing to my soul in a new way.

I've always loved arts and crafts. Mostly though the art part. I like drawing on blown egg shells with Sharpie markers -or on a large piece of wood with colored pencil. I enjoy knitting small projects. But this was different.

As my husband put the washer and dryer back. I took my time decorating the shelf and putting my letters on it. I felt like I had actual control over something (a new feeling) and calm in my spirit in a different way. I mean I always feel Jesus in my heart and I listen for the prompting of the holy spirit, but being creative and organizing the laundry room gave me a sense of normal life and joy in a new way.

My 18 year old daughter had poo-pooed my plan to organize and decorate the laundry room. In her words -you'd have to be pretty bored to decorate a laundry room. But when she saw it when we were finished she was delighted by it.

In the midst of cancer, we have to live our lives. It's not good to talk about cancer related things all day, everyday. We need to take care of the house, our spirit, our body and mind in ways that are just living our life. I have wondered what other people do while they have cancer.

Lately, all I think about is what flowers to plant in what part of the yard. Or organizing another area of the house. Today my goal is to write up several chapters of my next book, Martyr. I've got most chapters handwritten in a notebook. It's tedious to type up each chapter, but it feels good to have it typed up. Soon I can have it professionally edited and start working on a mock-up book for fans to review before I self publish it.

It's been two weeks since the surgery. My arm is sore and numb at the same time. A local surgeon told me that it's due to cutting into the tissue to retrieve the lymph nodes. I notice that the more I use my arm the better it feels. But at the end of the day or when I wake up it's really stiff and there's a lot of pain. Other than that, I don't feel sick. I decided to call Cancer Treatment Centers of America to get a second opinion. It feels like cheating on the local providers here. But I want more than what's offered locally. If I have to have chemo and radiation -okay- but I need more support than just going to appointments. I need others to put it all together for me. Every minute that I'm on the computer or phone looking at journal articles about Immunotherapy, Immunology, Chemotherapy and Radiation is a lost minute when I could be having a conversation with my family, cooking dinner, creating crafts, sitting in the sun, laughing for an hour a day, and gardening.