By all accounts my faith is strong and I feel more peace than I've ever felt -even prior to the diagnosis of breast cancer (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma Triple Negative Breast Cancer, IDC TNBC). Which says a lot since I generally have a great sense of God's peace covering me on a 'normal' pre-diagnosis day.
There seems to be two major concerns by the world's standards: 1) how much time is left (before death occurs), and 2) what is the best treatment (to avoid death).
My view is from a biblical perspective. Since I know that Jesus conquered death and I abide in him and he in me -death is actually irrelevant. Don't get me wrong I want to live and my loved ones are in pain thinking of losing me. It's a comforting proof of love. But we are here on this earth so very briefly compared to the eternity with the Lord that it's not a true concern to me. This was a late night revelation after the surgery.
My concerns are 1) how should I approach this situation so that others are led to Christ and encouraged by our Lord's love -and- 2) am I listening -really listening for his prompting in decisions -large and small- including treatment. The medical field has been a very worldly place and wants to keep looking for 'cancer cells.' Wherever I have gone for the diagnosis and treatment -thus far- I have been encouraging the Holy Spirit to lead and to be with those who work in the tough field of medicine.
The following data is "tmi" -too much information. However I have felt comforted reading others stories with all the details. So I share my weakness to boast of Jesus' love. Skip down if you don't want to read stats on my medical experiences. I felt a lump in my right breast around Thanksgiving. I prayed and waited for directions. On January 16, I was prompted by the Holy Spirit to call for a mammogram. I called for and received a same day appointment for the first of 3 mammograms, 4 ultrasounds, 1 biopsy, 5 injected miniature devices (which will never be retrieved), 2 ten inch wires which were used as a guide to cut around the mass in my breast, 1 MRI (with Praise and Worship music played while I lay there), 12 separate people touching my once private breast region, and 15 needle pokes (yes in the breast tissue). The mass was less than 3cm and was not like a marble but more like a polygon type triangle with uneven sides and shapes. There are three incisions which are healing from surgery. The first incision to remove the mass (4 inches down the top of my breast), 1 incision two inches long in my armpit to remove several cancer filled lymph nodes that were not easily accessed, and 1 half-inch incision which is an exit for the drain -that I am still wearing.
That's 6 weeks of preparing for one treatment -surgery. 8 high definition photos of my right breast. Throughout all this not one person has asked us any questions about our perspective or feelings or concerns. Each person is full of polite, professional, distant interaction. I assume this is normal, so I don't take it personally, I mean we are in the world but not of it.
So my response is to joke and chat and love them. There are a lot of processes which are relevant to the medical world -to do their work- and yet leaves me uninformed and wrung out like a dish towel -renewal in the Lord is an imperative. Thankfully I'm not there for the same reasons as the medical professionals. They say "let's take a picture of your lump." My response is "let's spend time together while you do your job" and "I'll get you to laugh and I'll pray over you while you do your work."
The recovery from surgery means pain from the incisions. I was in awe when the hospital told me that the surgeon didn't prescribe narcotics automatically for all surgeries. From my past work in counseling that is heartening -so many people become addicted to pain meds and it leads down a horrendous path. I had one percocet while waking in recovery and then extra strength tylenol for the first two days. I iced the incisions every hour the first two days. It's been a week since the surgery and pillows are becoming my best friend. I prop up my right arm while I sleep in the recliner in the living room. I slept sitting upright on a hotel sofa the first night. I've had two showers in the last week. I read a blog that suggested hooking my drain to a lanyard while I shower, that has been very helpful. I'm tired of button down shirts and trying to keep my drain from showing as it's pinned to my wrap or bra. My hubby helped dress me and button me up for several days. Now I pull on a t shirt -putting the right arm through first and then my head and left arm. I wear a sweater or a scarf to hide the bump of the drain. These details make a huge difference in feeling well and becoming well.
Interestingly one strange side effect of the surgery is numbness in my tricep area. It's a band of numbness in my right arm. I've read that it's likely from the incisions to cut the lymph nodes out. I don't know if it will be permanent. The other day I thought of the invisible band around my arm -that I feel. I thought "Wow, if I were into tattoos still I could get a great arm band tattoo and I wouldn't even feel it!" But since I'm not into tattoos (on myself) it's like an invisible band of a warrior. But then I'm not in a war with cancer -it's a blessing from God to produce more love and to glorify him. So maybe it's more of an arm band of courage or dedication.
My husband lovingly gave me flowers and a stuffed toy puppy after surgery. That puppy has propped up ice pack and in church yesterday helped with the pain -just needing that added support while siting in chairs without arms. Pillows, pillows, and puppy pillows are a blessing -I can't say it enough.
My view is from a biblical perspective. Since I know that Jesus conquered death and I abide in him and he in me -death is actually irrelevant. Don't get me wrong I want to live and my loved ones are in pain thinking of losing me. It's a comforting proof of love. But we are here on this earth so very briefly compared to the eternity with the Lord that it's not a true concern to me. This was a late night revelation after the surgery.
My concerns are 1) how should I approach this situation so that others are led to Christ and encouraged by our Lord's love -and- 2) am I listening -really listening for his prompting in decisions -large and small- including treatment. The medical field has been a very worldly place and wants to keep looking for 'cancer cells.' Wherever I have gone for the diagnosis and treatment -thus far- I have been encouraging the Holy Spirit to lead and to be with those who work in the tough field of medicine.
The following data is "tmi" -too much information. However I have felt comforted reading others stories with all the details. So I share my weakness to boast of Jesus' love. Skip down if you don't want to read stats on my medical experiences. I felt a lump in my right breast around Thanksgiving. I prayed and waited for directions. On January 16, I was prompted by the Holy Spirit to call for a mammogram. I called for and received a same day appointment for the first of 3 mammograms, 4 ultrasounds, 1 biopsy, 5 injected miniature devices (which will never be retrieved), 2 ten inch wires which were used as a guide to cut around the mass in my breast, 1 MRI (with Praise and Worship music played while I lay there), 12 separate people touching my once private breast region, and 15 needle pokes (yes in the breast tissue). The mass was less than 3cm and was not like a marble but more like a polygon type triangle with uneven sides and shapes. There are three incisions which are healing from surgery. The first incision to remove the mass (4 inches down the top of my breast), 1 incision two inches long in my armpit to remove several cancer filled lymph nodes that were not easily accessed, and 1 half-inch incision which is an exit for the drain -that I am still wearing.
That's 6 weeks of preparing for one treatment -surgery. 8 high definition photos of my right breast. Throughout all this not one person has asked us any questions about our perspective or feelings or concerns. Each person is full of polite, professional, distant interaction. I assume this is normal, so I don't take it personally, I mean we are in the world but not of it.
So my response is to joke and chat and love them. There are a lot of processes which are relevant to the medical world -to do their work- and yet leaves me uninformed and wrung out like a dish towel -renewal in the Lord is an imperative. Thankfully I'm not there for the same reasons as the medical professionals. They say "let's take a picture of your lump." My response is "let's spend time together while you do your job" and "I'll get you to laugh and I'll pray over you while you do your work."
The recovery from surgery means pain from the incisions. I was in awe when the hospital told me that the surgeon didn't prescribe narcotics automatically for all surgeries. From my past work in counseling that is heartening -so many people become addicted to pain meds and it leads down a horrendous path. I had one percocet while waking in recovery and then extra strength tylenol for the first two days. I iced the incisions every hour the first two days. It's been a week since the surgery and pillows are becoming my best friend. I prop up my right arm while I sleep in the recliner in the living room. I slept sitting upright on a hotel sofa the first night. I've had two showers in the last week. I read a blog that suggested hooking my drain to a lanyard while I shower, that has been very helpful. I'm tired of button down shirts and trying to keep my drain from showing as it's pinned to my wrap or bra. My hubby helped dress me and button me up for several days. Now I pull on a t shirt -putting the right arm through first and then my head and left arm. I wear a sweater or a scarf to hide the bump of the drain. These details make a huge difference in feeling well and becoming well.
Interestingly one strange side effect of the surgery is numbness in my tricep area. It's a band of numbness in my right arm. I've read that it's likely from the incisions to cut the lymph nodes out. I don't know if it will be permanent. The other day I thought of the invisible band around my arm -that I feel. I thought "Wow, if I were into tattoos still I could get a great arm band tattoo and I wouldn't even feel it!" But since I'm not into tattoos (on myself) it's like an invisible band of a warrior. But then I'm not in a war with cancer -it's a blessing from God to produce more love and to glorify him. So maybe it's more of an arm band of courage or dedication.
My husband lovingly gave me flowers and a stuffed toy puppy after surgery. That puppy has propped up ice pack and in church yesterday helped with the pain -just needing that added support while siting in chairs without arms. Pillows, pillows, and puppy pillows are a blessing -I can't say it enough.
The lymph nodes that the surgeon left were inflamed. She says they are are fighting the cancer cells. So I quit eating sugar before the surgery and drink juiced veggies/fruits to promote healing from the surgery and to power up my immunity. We will drive to Albuquerque tomorrow for an appointment to learn the pathology of the 'edges' -meaning, are there cancer cells on the edge of the margin the surgeon removed. If there are then mastectomy and radiation are next.
I don't know what will happen next in the world of appointments and medical revelations and pathology reports but I do know that God is with us. He's got this.
I don't know what will happen next in the world of appointments and medical revelations and pathology reports but I do know that God is with us. He's got this.
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